Coping and well being

Human beings have always encountered stress ever since they set their foot on this earth. While the cave dwellers had little knowledge about the psychobiology of stress and modern techniques of coping fatalism was their only recourse. Ignorance was bliss and submitting to fate was wisdom. Humanity has come a long way since then. There is more knowledge about stress than ever. But the irony is that there are more victims of stress also,age and wage being no bar.

One of the most mysterious of mental states,stress is highly subjective and equally dangerous. Some stress is good as it  activates,but an overdose kills.Stress tolerance is an individual attribute and is highly variable. Thus some succumb  to the slightest pressure, while others remain cool even under high levels of it.However, stress is an inescapable part of human  life and cannot be wished away. Psychological experiments have shown that even animals are vulnerable to stress.One of the first evidence of stress on health came from animal studies, the famous executive monkey study of early 50s. The damage that stress can do leaves no room for complacency.Though  enough has been researched about the subject, the fact remains that it is not the stress per se that is problematic. What matters is the coping.  Stress does not depend on external conditions only. It is  affected by a host of factors,some inherent to the individual like the personality, the support system, the susceptibilities,and the lifestyle . People differ widely in their reactions to stress. This is due to the Stress Tolerance Quotient (STQ), which varies from individual to individual. Even though stress has been scientifically studied for a long time and the stress disease links are well established, the coping styles that can give individuals the all important stress resilience are still not clearly understood.

How a person responds to stress is his coping style which is usually individual specific.Broadly speaking there can be two coping styles, functional and dysfunctional , depending on how a person  approaches it. The human body is superbly equipped to deal with stress provided a person picks up the appropriate approach.  When individuals experience stress they adopt some strategies.The attempt is to manage  the stressful experiences so that a state of psychological and physiological equilibrium is restored. Even if a conscious and deliberate strategy is not formulated some strategies are definitely adopted. For instance,the decision to leave the stress unattended.This also can be a style, only it is dysfunctional. Coping is a process that involves efforts towards the solution of a stress related situation. It is the way these efforts are made that determine whether one is able to cope with stress effectively or not. It is some kind of an intra psychic behaviour. Coping behaviours can range from most casual manoeuvres to highly effective problem solving behaviour. The fact of the matter is that most individuals do not understand the grammar of effective coping and become a victim of stress. However, effective coping can be learnt and abilities to handle stress can be developed. The trick lies in cognitive appraisal, that is seeing the big picture. Often people crack under pressure and become a victim of  abnormal fears.This can be dangerous. Cognitive processes play a key role in determining the effectiveness of emotional reactions which are natural outcomes of stressful situations. Human beings often act irrationally under stress and breakdown  under pressure. Typical personality patterns can be found in individuals when encountering stressful situations, which is largely determined by fear and uncertainty that often come with stress. An individual must assess the situation holistically and objectively.It is something like environmental scanning so that one can match it with strengths and weaknesses.Effective management of stress depends on coping mechanisms adopted by  an individual. The first step is  to analyse all aspects of the specific situation and identify all resources at hand to cope with distress. It is the motivational state that is critical and one must be maintained at a high level. Human autonomic systems prepare for fight or flight during stress, but the problem is that usually  people opt for flight rather than fight. This has to change. The very decision to fight will initiate the process of the functional coping mechanism.There is the need to respond and not react.

Don’t Awfulize,Try Reframing

Awfulising may not be a standard English word in usage but in the absence of an exact equivalent it seems to serve the purpose well. These are turbulent times and if we look all around we find a lot of negativities of  impinging our mind set all 24 hours  of the clock.Let us talk of the wars that the world is fighting.While it is difficult to count countries that are at  war with one another,there are many more that are operating from behind the scenes.But honestly speaking it was also in the past.But against such background it is only likely that human minds have developed that habit of awfulising, that is thinking of the worst case scenario for every happening that may or may not impact them. It is only logical that the state of mental health has become a global issue that needs to be addressed seriously and urgently. While a good many are suffering from grave  psychological conditions, a large number of people are finding it difficult to sleep. In fact, insomnia is  afflicting a sizable section of the global population resulting in further deterioration of mental health. This is a result of what psychologists call availability bias when a lot of negative information is doing rounds and the mind of the people imagines only the negative things befalling on them. The corona pandemic is to  a certain measure responsible for this. The helplessness that people encountered during those three nightmarish years the Covid 19 virus ruled the earth has made their outlook pessimistic and minds fragile. The large populous countries like India with comparatively weak medical infrastructure and poor health awareness find the problem even more alarming. But even the rich and less populous countries like the US are also facing the music.It is largely because of the negative faulty attitude that people have developed in the recent past owing to the catastrophic experiences of the pandemic. It was a kind of horrible disruption the world had not faced in the past hundred years. Painting the worst case scenario has become a part of habit for most people. The big question is what to do? One thing is certain that awfulising will certainly not help, rather it will worsen the predicament. We need a heavy dose of optimism to fight this negative mind set that our subconscious has created. Mind is the villain of the piece, and greatest bottle neck to mental peace.The Bhagwat Geeta says mind is your greatest enemy if it controls you, and your best friend if you control the mind. You need to tame and train the mind to look at the positive side of the events, treat them as challenges rather than problems. How to do it is the issue. The step number one is to reframe the entire scenario, develop self awareness and analyse the situation objectively. In this world of eight and half billion odd people, all the bad luck cannot be a part of your share. That is as simple as that. So rather than thinking of the worst case scenario, think of the best case scenario. And mind it, you can make it happen. Of course, for this you need faith.Faith in God, which will give you faith in yourself. You need to get out of the dark groove you have created and pushed yourself in.Certainly it’s not going to be easy. But yes, it is possible. Just be open minded and try to see the big picture. Reorient your subconscious mind to look at things more objectively and positively. You create the thoughts in mind, and mind creates possibilities for you. Copy book definition of anxiety is irrational fear. Naturally then, why fear something that is irrational. Close your eyes for sometime, think clearly and relax.

Needed a Moral Revolution in 2024

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of light, it was season of darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct other way–in short the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only”. This was how Charles Dickens had described the situation of France and England in his classic novel A Tale of Two Cities more than two centuries ago. As we wade through the thick and thin of the third decade of the 21st century these words sound eerily contemporary. Look at the material prosperity that mankind has achieved. Man thinks he is at the top. Humanity is conquering the Moon and Mars. A habitable colony on the moon seems within the realms of possibility in the foreseeable future. The Number of Billionaires has grown many times over and vulgar display of wealth amuses all and sundry. Dancing on cloud nine on it’s material success is humanity’s wont today. But these are the worst of times also. Humanity in human terms is at its lowest ebb. Prosperity of the few and misery of the most is a kind of contradiction no one seems to be bothered about. Economic theories have no answer for abject poverty. The rampant quest for prosperity has endangered the very source of sustenance of mankind, the Mother Earth. With climate change threatening the very existence of life and water, the end of this world seems imminent. And the hapless humanity appears clueless. The human intelligence is at its wits end, and even the much-touted Artificial Intelligence (AI) is of little help. The curse of wars still haunts mankind even as we continue giving Nobel Prizes for peace. What needs to be done is the big question. Perhaps it is time for some kind of a moral revolution as all other revolutions have failed to deliver. Technological advancements could not bring about the psychological change needed to make the world better. Historians would like us to believe that we have come a long way since the Stone Age passing through the Chalcolithic, the Iron, the Industrial and the Modern ages. We are now into the Information Age and with access to tonnes and tonnes of information we believe to have acquired God like omniscience. True Corona proved otherwise but our pride still continues, even after the fall. As peace and tranquillity eludes mankind there is need to evaluate the limits of our knowledge. With humanity at conflict with itself it is time to focus on values. Democracy the so-called best form of governance, has become hypocrisy. The year 2024 will see two of the world’s biggest democracies going to the polls. The same old tribe with the same old promises. It is common knowledge that politicians will not change. But can we not change the politics. We can take a cue from poet TS Eliot -‘Make perfect your will. Take no thought of the harvest, but only of proper sowing’. We must change our cognition and behaviour and let our inherent goodness prevail.

Man awaken thy soul

The epochal truth is that man has come out of the stone age. But the psychological reality is that the stone age has still not come out of man. And look what we are witnessing today. Aeons after humanity began it’s march towards civilization we are still barbarians, lacking the refinements that should have come with social evolution. What better proof do we need to confirm this assertion than to see all around ourselves and find that we continue to live in an era of violent conflict. And for just one reason. To satisfy the ego of a handful of people euphemistically called leaders, who actually are the misleaders. The problem is that many who don’t want a fight are also fighting. This has been happening since times immemorial. The tyranny of a few causes the misery of the most. A few people fool most of the people, most of the time. There is no such thing as democracy, only hypocrisy. The irony is that wars have done no good to either the victors or the vanquished. But the fights continue. Humans rarely learn from experience. The ego blinds human beings from reason and they continue to experiment on their road to disaster. Where have we gone wrong? The senses are greater than the flesh; greater than the sense is the mind; greater than the mind is the intellect; and greater than the intellect is the soul. This eternal wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita (chapter 3 verse 42) provides the answer to our question. There is need to awaken the soul and for this some soul searching is needed. Agnostics and sceptics, notwithstanding, the soul is there in every human being though in different stages of awakening. The Indian philosophical thought has given considerable emphasis on the primacy of the soul. This soul is the sole means of communion with the Supreme Reality. Complete awakening of the soul is the goal of spirituality that helps mankind transcend the problems of the mundane and merge with the divine, achieving supreme bliss. The problems of the world, including the wars, mostly arise out of ignorance that leads to egotism. The way out is awakening the soul. And it does awaken. Only it takes much longer in many cases as the realisation about the futility of ego doesn’t come easily. How to get that realisation is the important question. The Indian philosophy suggests three ways. They are Gyan marga or through knowledge, Bhakti marg or through devotion, and karm marg or through dispassionate duty. The problem with the present times is that everything is driven by logic which is governed by ego. So most of the human beings are confused about what is right and what is wrong. There is a need to go beyond the ego centric logic and look for reason centric wisdom. But it can only come from within. There is a need for arousal. It is possible because there is a soul in every human being waiting for the arousal. It has an inner craving for awakening as it’s essential nature is being good. The difficulty is in understanding what is good. This can come from self-awareness by looking inwards. The right knowledge can be attained by self-realisation. Finding the right Guru can also help. Self which is an attribute of the soul is in the process of continuous evolution. But to attain the realisation one has to pursue looking inwards consistently and objectively.

Have faith so that you may believe

These are turbulent times for most people. The struggle for survival has become more intense. Believing in God in these difficult times is not easy. You need to find reasons as your doubts about God’s existence persist. But not believing in God is even more difficult. You have to find better reasons. Not surprisingly,then, there is an overwhelmingly large number of people in this  world who choose to believe in God in the absence of a better alternative. Of course, we cannot be 100 percent firm in belief or disbelief. Many a times we may get reasons to believe,and equally often we can find reasons to deny God’s existence. The thing to understand here is the nature of our doubt. Why they arise and why they persist need to be minutely thought over. The relation between God and an individual is a personal one, a one-to-one relationship. Doubts creep in when our desires that are raised in the form of prayers do not get fulfilled. This leads to weakening of our faith in God out of sheer frustration. However, we  must realise that our very concept of faith is wrong. Faith should not depend on quid- pro-quo. It is much beyond that. And much different. The problem is the image of God that we have created in our minds. We tend to see him as a provider of everything and only the provider. Thus, we don’t expect God to take away things. Since we often go overboard in our relationship with God, our desires continuously keep on rising, sometimes even bordering on the impossible. Not that God is not capable of giving those things. That is what miracles are all about. But miracles are an attribute of faith. Faith in our benefactor, the benevolent and magnanimous God. We must trust in God’s justice and realise the fact that God will give everything we deserve, but not everything we desire. There is need for a careful self assessment to find out if whatever we desire is reasonable or not. The personal God is a relationship that would vary from individual to individual, and we would falter in evaluation if we compare with others.Individual Karma is something that we must  account for.God is not an entity that is only for us.It is our obsession with self that makes us believe so. The relationship with personal God must be strengthened with faith in order to get God’s blessings and experience his bountiful generosity.

One has to develop total faith. As it is given in the first of the Ten Commandments-‘love the Lord, thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind’. It is important to understand the significance of faith in relationship with a personal God. This is the reason why it is said that’ don’t believe so that you may have faith, have faith so that you may believe’. If we start finding reasons for believing we may end up being perennial doubters. The relationship with God is not a  give and take. It is complete surrender. God is certainly the provider but he knows when to provide and what to provide. Something like the Japanese Management idea of Kanban, the just- in- time principle. You will get it when you need it.We all came empty handed in this world and will return so in the other world. As Job said-‘naked did I come hither, naked shall I return thither. God gave and God hath taken away. Blessed be the name of Lord.

This Diwali Remember Ram

Diwali is the festival of lights that has been celebrated in India for ages. It has religious significance, too.Worshipping Lakshmi, the Goddess of Wealth is also done on the same day as it is believed that it will help in getting prosperity and wealth.The legend goes that the festival  marks Lord Ram’s return to Ayodhya,his kingdom, after slaying Ravan,the mighty demon king of Lanka. While people rejoice this occasion with sweets,lights and crackers, the all important point often gets lost.It is imperative to remember that more than Ram’s victory, the values he stood for need to be recapitulated and imbibed. As India celebrates the festival ,the essence of Diwali, that is, the victory of good over the evil,has to be kept in mind. Ram was not just an incarnation of God born in this world to end the evil prevailing during his time. He lives as the greatest among the human beings who stood for certain values and principles.Rather,he  epitomised them. This is the reason why he is called the Maryada Purushottam, the noblest of the souls. Diwali should remind us of those values and give us the will and the ability to uphold them. Ram needs to be the source of strength and sustenance to help us follow the  path of righteousness or Dharm. The sum and substance of Ram’s character lies in this one story, narrated and recounted time and again. It says that when Ram returned to Ayodhya after vanquishing Ravan, the most powerful king on the globe  those days people were not able to believe it.Dismayed at this feat of Ram, the citizens of Ayodhya asked him how could he kill someone as invincible as Ravan. The reply which he gave is worth pondering. With great humility he said, ‘I did not kill Ravan’. It is the ‘I’ that killed Ravan. I, the ego, doused in arrogance. It was this that proved Ravan’s undoing. One big difference between Ram and Ravan was humility. Ram was humble while Ravan was haughty.It was Ravan’s pride that led to his fall. In the present times what we are finding is that humility is almost  extinct as arrogance and pride drive human behaviour. Ram’s values were based on ethics. For him right and wrong were in black and white without any shades of grey. His leadership was driven by morality rather than prudence that we are seeing  all around today. His fight with Ravan was to uphold righteousness,the Dharm. We find leaders taking countries to wars  to placate their ego. Prudence is about knowing which side of the bread is buttered, but ethical wisdom is about knowing when to say no to the buttered side. Even when Ram was in exile following his father’s command, his brother Bharat and the people of Ayodhya pleaded to him to reconsider his decision. But that did not deter him from his principled resolve. Rams commitment to carry out his father’s promise even after the latter’s demise is a classic lesson in values. His pursuit of Dharm was above everything. He knew the essence of Dharm and had the will to uphold it. He was an ideal representation of the man who combined values, virtues and vision. Ram’s victory over Ravan must be rejoiced but his principled conduct offers more valuable lessons.

The Wisdom of Sunderkand

Even though Ramcharit Manas of Goswami  Tulsidasi is full of insights and practices that offer effective lessons for living the right way, yet one may find several useful tips in just the Sundarkand. Maybe, this is the reason why it is the one chapter of Ramayan which is most widely read  and recited.It  encapsulates life skills rather succinctly. Sunderkand is mostly about the exploits of Hanuman and describes his actions and adventures in Lanka during his journey to the kingdom of Ravan to find out the whereabouts of Sita. The chapter elaborately explains his  key strengths and the qualities that made him succeed in this all important mission for Lord Ram, his master. It is about his unflinching commitment towards his duty and devotion to Lord Ram. However, Sundar Kand also contains several important lessons that can be learnt to help one face the challenges of life in the course of living. First about his basic traits that helped him carry out his duty diligently and effectively. These can be discussed under one broad construct Vivek for which there is no exact equivalent in English. However,it comprises  the following two attributes that modern management theoreticians think are needed for managers to carry out their duties successfully. The first is the IQ or the Intelligence Quotient which is basically the presence of mind that gives the ability to take quick decisions in difficult and ambiguous situations. This is very clearly demonstrated in his encounter with Sursa while trying to cross the sea to reach Lanka.He negotiates very wisely with her and wins her admiration and gets her blessings, too. But the IQ that Hanuman demonstrates is not about the attributes of the mind only. It’s not just the aptitude but also the attitude.  Rather, a combination of both the head and the heart.The humility, the patience, the sensitivities, the ability to step into the other person’s shoes. His dialogue with Vibhishan at the latter’s home very clearly shows these qualities.This is what is called EQ or Emotional Quotient, the ability to understand people which is so very important in life. But the Sundar Kand also has many lessons on leadership and strategy.One of the couplets mentions a very crucial lesson on why leaders go wrong. When aides, doctors and teachers don’t give the right feedback either out of fear or to please the king, the end of the empire is imminent. When Ravan was informed that Ram and his army had crossed the sea and was camping on the shore outside Lanka he asked his ministers for advice. Rather than giving the right feedback they pampered him saying that he was invincible. Similarly,there is another instance when Ram was humbly  requesting the Sea God to allow his army  a hassle free passage to cross and reach Lanka. But when the request goes unheeded for three days Ram tells his brother Laxman to get the bow and arrow as some people don’t understand the language of humility because they are pig headed. Such people only understand the language of force. Ram elaborates this further in the next two couplets by saying that fools do not understand the language of love, nor the crooked deserve love.The miserly cannot be made broad minded and the greedy do not understand the virtues of charity.Sundarkand offers many such pearls of wisdom.

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Why we need Gandhi ji Today

Remembering Gandhiji on October 2nd every year has been a ritual we have been practicing religiously ever since India attained freedom. Gandhiji was a leader, activist, Mahatma and more importantly a politician all ruled into one. But he was a politician of a different mettle and it is this role of Gandhiji that is most relevant and needs to be discussed today. The political class today is fast losing it’s relevance as the common Indian seems to be alienated by the state of affairs, rather  affairs of the state. In his weekly newspaper young India October 22, 1925 issue Gandhi ji talked about seven social sins. While they all were important and happen to be the curse of the present times nine decades down the line, the one that matters most today is Politics without Principles. This is the mother of all sins. Politics is at the helm of everything. Definitions about politics maybe many but they all invariably suggest one thing—politics is ultimately about power. Naturally, if politics becomes unprincipled, chaos and disorderlines will follow.All that is wrong in the society is in some way a by-product. The difference between order of Gods and Demons, Ram and Ravan, dictators and democrats, despots and leaders has something to do with principles. That the present society is witnessing politics without principles is unfortunate. For Gandhiji principle was the expression of perfection without which the ruler could not be fair. Principle is the essence of Raj Dharm, the essence of good governance.The wheel has come a full circle as we witness the rise in the  tilt towards unprincipled politics. Even though Gandhiji is not a subject of popular discourse these days what was rather reassuring was the fact that the many Heads of State who were a part of the G 20 conference in Delhi chose to visit the Mahatma’s memorial at Rajghat where Gandhi ji’s favorite recital Vaishnav Jan toh tene kahiye peer paraai jaane re. What better proof of approval of Gandhiji’s principled politics. Mahatma Gandhi is  certainly our most accepted global brand in the recent times. If we carefully look around and observe the goings on of the present times we will be compelled to rethink about the relevance of Gandhiji-his ideas, his ideals and even his idiosyncrasies. To many his views may be utopian and his world view may appear impractical. But he had strong convictions about his world view. He believed what he believed and did what he believed. The things Gandhiji stood  for  are not easy to comprehend for the generations today who have little familiarity with his ways.But that doesn’t reduce the significance of his ideas and practices. Quite strange that he is less understood in his own country where his views are thought of as too idealistic to be practiced. Ironically, those same views mesmerized the Indian masses in to action which was instrumental in winning freedom. The problems of the world today are due to faulty leadership styles that are  ego driven rather than ethics driven. Truth and non violence, the two cornerstones of Gandhiji’s philosophy need to be  inculcated in present day politics.

Death is the Greatest Leveller

Whosoever is born shall die is the greatest truth but people don’t want to believe it.They fear death,they want to avoid death, they don’t like to think of death.Yet death comes to all.What is more interesting is that the time and way of death is pre-determined.Quite intriguing that people seek permanence in life though nothing is permanent in this world except change.

Swami Prabhupad, the founder of ISKCON had said that life is a question no one can answer, death is an answer no one can question. The one common fate that both the prince and the pauper meet is death. Most realise the futility of their material pursuits in the face of death. There is this story about Alexander,the mighty king of Macedonia.When he was on his death bed and the end seemed imminent, he called his trusted wise men and gave three instructions to be followed after his death. The first was that all the best doctors of the kingdom would lead his funeral procession. The second was that the gems, the gold and the diamonds that he had amassed  during the many victories across the world be thrown along the course of his funeral procession. The third one was that while placing his body in the coffin his hands should be left hanging outside. Baffled at this  one of the wise men asked the king about the significance of these  instructions. With a  painful yet confident smile Alexander explained the three wishes to them. The first one asking the doctors to lead the procession was to prove that despite so many doctors at his beck and call he had to die.Death,then, is inevitable. The second one about throwing the riches along the path of the funeral procession was to suggest that though he had amassed so much wealth, he could not carry them to the other world. It all had to be left here. And the one about letting his hands hang outside the coffin was to indicate that in the end you have to depart empty handed. Just like you had come to this world. Whether it is a fact or fiction, the incident leaves a great lesson to be learnt. And the moral of the story is that death is a great leveller that spares none. More importantly all your wealth has to be left here. You enter the world with zero balance and depart, too, with the same. The madness,the frenzy and the lust about material pursuits is some kind of perversion. Why people take so long to realise this basic truth is rather intriguing. A very difficult question that gets answered only through the realisation that usually comes in the face of death. This perhaps is the ignorance or avidya that makes human beings run after the Maya or illusion. The power of this Maya is so strong that even the wise fall victim. Even lord Ram was befuddled to run after the golden deer facing so many troubles in the bargain. Misery is a by-product of Maya which is perhaps the most formidable enemy of human beings. It can only be challenged through the power of reason leading to inner awakening. But the main issue is how to listen to this voice of reason. Strangely enough, this is there in all of us and keeps on trying to awaken us. But the enemy number one is our ego that makes us ignore the voice of reason. The ego makes us believe in a false sense of invincibility.Remedy does not lie in even tonnes of intelligence.You need a bit of wisdom.How to distinguish between the two.Quite simple.Knowing which side of the bread is buttered is Intelligence.But knowing when to say no to the buttered side is wisdom.

The search for meaning

In my workshops on Self Esteem and Personal Well Being I often ask the participants, mostly middle and Senior Level industry professionals, a simple question -what is the most difficult thing to do.They all share some idea or the other. From funny to  serious, there is a vast array of answers they provide.But only very few come with the right answer  –  doing nothing.Yes,doing nothing is the toughest thing to do in life.One can experiment this by trying to sit quietly in a room for a couple of hours without doing anything.The irony, however,is that we do while away a significant portion of our active life doing nothing.But in the  course of our working  lives we switch back to some activities or the other owing to compulsions of our jobs and responsibilities and thus the impact that could have been felt is not there.But as we age and retire the  duration of doing nothing becomes much longer  and painful.We find that we have nothing meaningful left to do.The life gradually loses meaning.This leads to the feeling of worthlessness,a melancholic state of mind.This is what the state of loneliness is all about. What a paradox that in this age of connectivity the problem is disconnect.And this loneliness is proving to be the root cause of most of the old age problems. Though it was known earlier also, the medical science is now corroborating this view.There are copious studies to suggest how dangerous loneliness can be.In Psychology we try to draw a thin line between the feeling of being lonely and being alone.While loneliness gives a feeling of worthlessness leading to a loss of self esteem, being alone may give an opportunity to find meaning in life.It is a subtle yet crucial difference that has to be understood.The difference depends  on our attitude.The trick lies in finding a purpose for living.It is this that will give meaning to life and create self-worth.The disintegration of the joint family system has thrown up this huge  challenge for a large number of people that they find difficult to meet.In the earlier times the hierarchy of generations created a structure were designated roles and responsibilities gave worth to all.Today the main issue is search for meaning in life as we start feeling the loss of self-esteem.It is not only about finding a job, which many people are trying to do,and increasing their frustration in case they are not able to find one.The answer is creating one if you don’t have any.Jobs don’t give meaning.One has to find meaning. This requires a bit of  mental resilience and persistence.Doing something significant is important,like caring for the deprived or helping the people in need.Compassion, as His Holiness Dalai Lama says, is a medicine.It increases self worth and makes you feel wanted.Another way is  charity,if you can afford.It enhances self worth.A helping  hand to the old and sick also gives meaningful engagement in life.For those who can, reading, writing or travel is a way to raise the self esteem if he wants to know and see more.It is all about the reason to live.Not the circumstances but how you respond matters.In words of  Nietzsche ‘he who has a Why to live for can bear almost any how’. Human beings are born with a powerful survival instinct and that is how we came out of the caves to land on the moon.It is the reason,the resolve that matters.And it all is in the mind.