The search for meaning

In my workshops on Self Esteem and Personal Well Being I often ask the participants, mostly middle and Senior Level industry professionals, a simple question -what is the most difficult thing to do.They all share some idea or the other. From funny to  serious, there is a vast array of answers they provide.But only very few come with the right answer  –  doing nothing.Yes,doing nothing is the toughest thing to do in life.One can experiment this by trying to sit quietly in a room for a couple of hours without doing anything.The irony, however,is that we do while away a significant portion of our active life doing nothing.But in the  course of our working  lives we switch back to some activities or the other owing to compulsions of our jobs and responsibilities and thus the impact that could have been felt is not there.But as we age and retire the  duration of doing nothing becomes much longer  and painful.We find that we have nothing meaningful left to do.The life gradually loses meaning.This leads to the feeling of worthlessness,a melancholic state of mind.This is what the state of loneliness is all about. What a paradox that in this age of connectivity the problem is disconnect.And this loneliness is proving to be the root cause of most of the old age problems. Though it was known earlier also, the medical science is now corroborating this view.There are copious studies to suggest how dangerous loneliness can be.In Psychology we try to draw a thin line between the feeling of being lonely and being alone.While loneliness gives a feeling of worthlessness leading to a loss of self esteem, being alone may give an opportunity to find meaning in life.It is a subtle yet crucial difference that has to be understood.The difference depends  on our attitude.The trick lies in finding a purpose for living.It is this that will give meaning to life and create self-worth.The disintegration of the joint family system has thrown up this huge  challenge for a large number of people that they find difficult to meet.In the earlier times the hierarchy of generations created a structure were designated roles and responsibilities gave worth to all.Today the main issue is search for meaning in life as we start feeling the loss of self-esteem.It is not only about finding a job, which many people are trying to do,and increasing their frustration in case they are not able to find one.The answer is creating one if you don’t have any.Jobs don’t give meaning.One has to find meaning. This requires a bit of  mental resilience and persistence.Doing something significant is important,like caring for the deprived or helping the people in need.Compassion, as His Holiness Dalai Lama says, is a medicine.It increases self worth and makes you feel wanted.Another way is  charity,if you can afford.It enhances self worth.A helping  hand to the old and sick also gives meaningful engagement in life.For those who can, reading, writing or travel is a way to raise the self esteem if he wants to know and see more.It is all about the reason to live.Not the circumstances but how you respond matters.In words of  Nietzsche ‘he who has a Why to live for can bear almost any how’. Human beings are born with a powerful survival instinct and that is how we came out of the caves to land on the moon.It is the reason,the resolve that matters.And it all is in the mind.